I have been putting this post off for a while now. As we’ve gotten closer to our launch date of May 1st…uh…TOMORROW, I’ve known it was coming. It’s a critical part of authoring a weight loss blog. People want to know where you started. And I am just starting.
I keep thinking that it would be much more comfortable to get about halfway through before I document where I started. That way wouldn’t have to tell people I am 100 pounds overweight. That way I wouldn’t have to put a picture of my full body on the internet. That way I wouldn’t wonder if the “mean girls” from my childhood will see it on Facebook. Or if the guy who broke my heart would catch wind of it as well. I wouldn’t have to face my biggest fear – what others think of me.
I also wouldn’t be giving myself an opportunity to be courageous. I would lose an opportunity to inspire others to change their lives as I plan to. I would be missing out on the camaraderie and support that I know will come from this process.
As we speak, I’m chatting with one of my besties, Kylie. I told her I was freaking out about this post. Her response: “Don’t freak out. Everyone will applaud your honesty. The only person that will judge you for doing it, is you!” And there it is. There is the fear. I’m afraid of what others will think of my weight because of what I think of it.
To me my weight defines me. It gives an instant visual value to others of my worth. It gives off an inaccurate perception of who I am – lazy, sluggish, underachiever. When in reality I am a hard working and successful woman. But the reality is – no one has ever said those things to me. No one has ever outwardly judged me based on my body…except me. So, here it is in full-color.
My starting weight is – 278 pounds
My starting measurements are:
Arms (left just below arm pit) – 18″
Bust – 46.5
Hips (just below naval) – 58.5″
Waist (just above naval) – 44″
Thighs – 33.5″
There it is. My heart is pounding as I post these pictures. Literally pounding. And yet, here is my courageous truth – I am many things, a wife, a mother, a friend, a business owner, a survivor. I am NOT my body. It doesn’t define me or my worth. It is simply (and yet complexly) a vehicle to get me through this life. And that vehicle needs and deserves a bit of maintenance. That is my goal. To maintain my vehicle so that it can assist me in getting to where I want to go.